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Yoga, Parenting, and the Search for Unicorns

April 15, 2016

 

Parenting and the Search for Unicorns 

Yoga is hard work. Parenting is hard work. Maintaining a yoga practice while trying to 

apply yogic principles to parenting is like . . . building a bridge to Neverland in search of a 

unicorn. Or is it? One of the primary principles of yoga is the cultivation of non-attachment. 

Practicing non-attachment can be very helpful in approaching your yoga practice while caring 

for small children. 

Before we can really understand what non-attachment is we need to first distinctly 

remove the idea of what it is not - aversion. Non-attachment does not mean avoidance. It does 

not mean staying away from those things you are tempted to attach to. Non-attachment is 

allowing anything and everything without identifying the self with its presence. It is doing the 

work required of you without expectation of the results of that effort. 

In yoga asana practice, the concept of non-attachment becomes tangible and workable. 

We do our forward folds every practice, without the expectation that today we will touch our 

toes, or bring our nose to our knees. We simply fold forward, day after day with intention and 

allow the body to respond. It would be nice if we flattened our bodies against our legs but until 

then, we continue to fold forward, as far as we can, day after day. Of course we want it, the 

wanting is part of the motivation but whether we get to that ultimate end or not does not affect 

the daily work of folding forward and does not affect the way we identify ourselves. Are you “a 

forward folder” or “not a forward folder”? Neither. You are a person, a divine light, who happens 

to be doing the work of forward folding. 

Pregnancy and parenthood taught me a lot about releasing my expectations. When I first 

became pregnant I thought I would be one of those preggy ladies doing amazing advanced 

poses into my ninth month, huge belly and all. Turned out to not be the case, at all. Labor and 

delivery also were far from what I expected. I thought: “Hey i do yoga, I meditate, do breath 

work. This labor thing is going to be a breeze.” 49 hours later, my expectations were completely 

shattered. Returning to my mat postpartum I was reminded, over and over again, to let go of 

what I thought was supposed to be happening and simply exist in the now of what WAS 

happening. It was, and remains, a challenging lesson to integrate. Now two years past the birth 

of my second child, with two preschool children at home, I focus on the effort, commitment, 

strength, and discipline it takes to simply get on my mat consistently. I set intentions for my 

practice but in the end I allow it to manifest as it does. I have come to accept and trust that the 

time will come, not too far from now, that I will be able to give more of my mental capacities, 

physical efforts and consecutive minutes to time on my mat. I accept that at this time, it is not so 

important to work my deepest leg behind head poses, or my deepest backbend etc. The 

importance of my practice right now is that it provide me with time alone, time to go in, time for 

nurturing and strengthening and time for self-attention. 

While dreaming of being a parent someday I always imagined this little Buddha baby, the 

epitome of peace and love. The child would manifest all of the yogic principles I have spent so 

much time working on in myself. How could they not bloom in the life I created? We are never 

the parents that we think we would be. There is nothing anyone can do, think, or say to be 

prepared for parenthood. You simply have no idea until you are neck deep in it. Sri K Pattabhi 

Jois, the long-time head of the Ashtanga lineage, which has six series of asana sequences that 

get progressively harder, was known to have referred to parenting as seventh series yoga - 

because it is hard, like really really hard. It is easy to approach life with yogic principles when all 

you have to worry about is yourself. It is easy to do a two hour yoga practice every day if you 

only have your own schedule to be concerned about. It is easy to remain steady and focused on 

your practice when it is one thing on a short list of priorities. The real yoga happens when you 

add in the challenges of children, a partner, etc. Now, with all of these obstacles, do your yoga. 

Now find inner peace. The challenge is the point. And like that forward fold, we don’t stop trying 

because it is hard. We do the work, day after day without attachment to the results of that work. 

We get on our mats, we breath in and breath out, we focus our attention inward, we cultivate the 

inner strength required to face our kids with love (for them as well as for ourselves). We remain 

mindful of our intentions to guide them and hopefully teach them something about being loving, 

peaceful beings in this world. It would be nice if they would become shining examples of divine 

light in physical form, little unicorns. It would be nice, but until then, do your best. Do the work, 

on and off your mat, build the bridge.

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